Why your rules matter, why teenagers resist them, and how to build a culture athletes trust.

When you step into a new team, you inherit not just players—but patterns. Habits, attitudes, shortcuts, and unspoken “norms” that may have worked for them in the past, but won’t help them compete at their best today.

So the question for every coach becomes: How do I establish new standards that actually stick?

It starts with boundaries.

Why Boundaries Matter More Than Rules

Boundaries are more than restrictions or lines on the field—they’re the rules or guidelines we choose to live by in order to have healthy relationships and a well-balanced life.

For teenagers especially, boundaries define what respect looks like, what trust looks like, and what a healthy team culture feels like. Without strong boundaries, athletes feel uncertainty, inconsistency, and insecurity. With healthy ones, they feel safe enough to grow.

Coaches don’t just enforce boundaries—they teach what healthy boundaries look like.

Why Teenagers Resist Boundaries (and Why That's Normal)

Teenagers push back on boundaries not because they’re bad kids, but because:

1. Resistance is human nature.

We instinctively view rules as limiting our freedom.

2. Many athletes have only seen unhealthy boundaries.

Dysfunctional families often set boundaries that were rigid, inconsistent, unfair, or based on the authority’s preferences rather than the child’s well-being.

.Examples include:

• Rules that changed depending on someone’s mood
• “No” never meaning “no”
• A double standard for parents vs. kids
• Rules enforced with fear, shame, or anger (we see this at the high school level in the unhealthiest of ways.)

So when you introduce a new team rule, some athletes instantly associate it with past hurt or unfairness. They assume boundaries exist to control them—not protect them.

3. The paradox of freedom:

A lack of boundaries feels like freedom but eventually creates fear, confusion, and insecurity. When I see kids start to act out at practice or start talking back to me, I investigate thier home situation and a wellness check on house rules to help give me some perspective navigating coaching the kid in the future.

Healthy boundaries create the safety necessary to take risks, fail, learn, recover, and build confidence. Exactly what we're aiming for them to accomplish in the sporting arena!

Your job as a capital "C" Coach is to help athletes learn or relearn what healthy boundaries actually look like. And it starts with how you show up to practice and act on Game Day.

The Two Types of Boundaries Every Coach Must Set

Healthy boundaries fall into two categories:

1. Non-Negotiable Moral Boundaries

These define love, respect, honesty, and trust.

They are not up for debate.

Examples on a team:

• Be honest. Foundation of a Coach-Player relationship. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
• Be reliable. Show up and keep showing up.
• Treat teammates with respect. Model how you want players to treat each other by treating your staff and team leaders with respect.
• Don’t lie, cheat, steal, gossip, or take cheap shots (verbally or physically).

Pat Riley was a master at this:

• Team covenants: shared promises that shape identity, created by the team and enforced by the coaching staff.
• Heat Conditioning Test: enforced discipline and commitment. His athletes had to do the test every day until they passed it!
• "No Layups" rule: $500 fines for giving up on a layup helped communicate that defensive effort was non-negotiable

Moral boundaries create the backbone of your culture.

2. Personal Safety & Health Boundaries

These aren’t about morality—they’re about staying physically and mentally healthy, knowing there is a future for these kids after sport.

Boundaries to consider building fences around include physical health, mental health, emotional health, spiritual health, and creating environments that build them up vs tear them down. This will be different for each level and each community.

Team examples might include:

• No cursing by coaches or players. To me this represents a lack of impulse control and we as leaders model what is allowed. "If you permit it then you promote it!"
• Warming up in full gear, dressed to perform from the get go. Teens have a hard enough time with energy after school, getting them to lock in with their shoes tied and helmets buckled is key to getting their mind to lock in.
• Focused during drills to maximize skill development and discipline. I've been there 1000 times. You explain the drill, two groups run through it then the third group is lost. Capture-Keep-Direct attention during demos then coach each rep like hell for the whole team.
• Introduce recovery and sleep standards and begin to ask them about these practices at practice.
• Define locker-room behavioral expectations. What does a good teammate look like for your program? What are the expectations of your team leaders? Have you given them the tools to meet these expectations and help you enforce the rules?

These are the boundaries that keep athletes safe and consistent—especially when emotions run high.

Internal vs. External Boundaries:
Coaches enforce external boundaries, but the goal is for athletes to eventually develop internal boundaries—self-discipline when no one is watching.

The Strategy That Makes Boundaries Work: Enforcement with Consistency

Setting a boundary is easy.
Enforcing it is the real test.

Teenagers who grew up with inconsistent rules will constantly test your boundaries—not to be difficult, but to see if the boundary is real. They’re asking:

“Is this line secure? Can I trust the people holding it?” Figuratively of course. Literally this will look something like talking back in front of the team, showing up late consistently with no excuse, or making fun of your mustache (still hurt by this one...)

Inconsistent enforcement teaches kids how to manipulate, hide, or wait out the rules until everything "drifts back to the way it was".

So your approach must be:

1. Predictable

The same consequence every time.

2. Calm

No fear, shame, rants, or overreactions.

3. Fair

The consequence aligns with the behavior—not with your frustration.

4. Courageous

Some athletes will resist, push back, or attempt to negotiate.
Hold the line anyway.

Boundaries without consequences are just suggestions.

Raise the Game: Guardrails Lead Teams to the Promised Land

Healthy boundaries are essential for a teenager to grow, mature, build confidence, and succeed—not only in sport, but throughout their life.

For coaches, boundaries are like guardrails on a mountain road:
Do they restrict movement? Yes.
But they also prevent long, painful falls. Literally.

The less time you spend correcting behavior, the more time you can spend on:

• Skill development
• Strategy
• Schemes
• Becoming the team you know you can be

Setting strong boundaries requires courage.
Enforcing them requires consistency.
But the payoff is a team that trusts you, trusts each other, and has the clarity and safety to play at its highest level.

Boundaries don’t hold a team back—they free a team to move forward together.