The Science of Motivating Young People

What if the way we view young people between the ages of is completely backwards? What if instead of seeing incompetence, we started seeing untapped potential?

I just finished an interview with the author of the book 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People, and it gave me a brand-new lens on how we should be leading, coaching, and parenting. Today, I want to share the biggest lessons I learned—tools that can help you build stronger relationships with the next generation.

Full episode available on Spotify & Apple Podcasts

The Generational Coaching Gap Problem

The first big idea Dr. Yeager shared is something called the Neurobiological Incompetence Model, the cultural belief that young people, ages 10 to 25, are inherently flawed and deficient thinkers.

Coaching Example: Think about a JV coach who assumes every freshman is lazy, distracted, and soft. Instead of building their skills, he spends the season complaining that “this group just doesn’t have it.” I have distinct memories in our football film room, “JV....SHUT... UP.” That’s NIM at work. And what happens? The kids start to believe it too.

The Mentor’s Dilemma

The next big idea comes from social psychologist Geoffrey Cohen: the Mentor’s Dilemma, the challenge leaders face when trying to give criticism while still motivating growth.

Two bad choices:

• Be tough and critical. Risk crushing motivation.
• Be nice and supportive. Risk being dishonest and withholding growth.

Most of us try the “compliment sandwich”—praise, criticism, praise. But athletes aren’t asking, “Is my coach positive?” They’re asking, “Does coach think I’m incompetent?”

Coaching Example: Picture a soccer coach who tells a player, “I love your hustle, but your passing is terrible. Keep up the energy though!” That player doesn’t hear the “love your hustle” part. They go home thinking: “Coach thinks I suck at passing. Period.”

The Solution: Wise Feedback

So how do we get out of this dilemma? The answer is Wise Feedback, giving criticism that combines high standards with high support:

• “I expect a lot from you.”
• “I believe you can meet those expectations—with my help.”

Coaching Example: Let’s say you’re a basketball coach. Instead of: “You need to box out harder,” you say: “I’m pointing this out because I know you can be one of the best rebounders on this team. Let’s work together on your positioning so you can dominate the boards.”

Now the player hears high standards & belief!

The Three Mindsets Framework

Mentor Mindset

Definition: High standards + high support. A “tough but loving” approach.

Coaching Example: Think of a track coach who gives an athlete a demanding 400m interval workout. Instead of just saying “figure it out,” the coach runs the first rep alongside them, times every split, and reminds them mid-set: “This is how champions are made. I know you can hit this pace, and I’m here with you until you do.”
The athlete suffers, but they grow. They don’t feel abandoned; they feel believed in.

Enforcer Mindset

Definition: High standards without support.

Coaching Example: A football coach sees a player miss a block and screams: “You don’t care! You’re soft! Sit down!” He sets a high bar but offers no path to get there. The player isn’t motivated—they’re humiliated. The brain shuts down. Learning stops. Swanenburg.

Protector Mindset

Definition: High support but low standards.

Coaching Example: A volleyball coach has a talented but timid freshman. Instead of pushing her to serve aggressively, he says, “Don’t worry, just get it over the net however you can. We don’t want you to feel bad if you miss. It feels nice in the moment, but the athlete starts thinking: “Coach doesn’t think I can handle the pressure.” Long term, she never builds the resilience to serve with confidence.

Why Mentor Mindset Matters

Here’s the connection: A Mentor Mindset creates the right environment for a Growth Mindset.

Coaching Example: A wrestling coach preaches “mistakes are learning opportunities,” but if he explodes at every missed takedown, his athletes stop believing him. They hear the words but feel the opposite.

Without Mentor Mindset, “growth mindset” posters are just wall art. With it, they become lived culture.

Raise the Game

So here’s my challenge for you this week:

• Ask yourself: When the pressure’s on, do I slip into Mentor, Enforcer, or Protector mode?
• Practice Wise Feedback: “I’m giving you this feedback because I have high standards, and I know you can meet them—with my support.”

Try it in practice this week. You’ll be surprised how differently your athletes respond when they know you believe in their potential.

Because at the end of the day, Captains & Coaches is about one thing: building better leaders for tomorrow, by being better mentors today.